The Final Stretch

    1...2...3...4...Stretch...and relax. With less than a 100 days to go, the fateful number that so many National Servicemen look forward to, there won't be many more Army-standard training exercises to endure.

    Its been both mentally and physically exhausting, serving a cause that you have no say in, regardless of if you see its merits. 

    I've been fortunate enough to have football as an avenue to rid myself of these empty cycles of training. Doing physical training thrice a week with no purpose, no objective and no reason to try. Even when we go outfield, there is no inclination to put effort into what you do, there never is. How are you meant to motivate yourselves if there is only negative reinforcement, and even then its so marginal. You become numb to your superiors' disdain or feedback. I guess that's why its so easy to stand out in the army, possessing motivation and a slimmer of enthusiasm can get you so far. Not to take away from those that too, but how is such a system ever meant to be beneficial for the participants (us) or the recipients of our service (government/ministry of defence).

    I've completed my last outfield, and I look forward to never being forcefully put into such an environment again. Aside from the ever constant humidity, assault by insects and lack of a shower/toilet, the waiting game is what kills. As a training institute, we're fortunate enough to have more perks to our outfields than the average serviceman, and yet the hours on end of waiting for an enemy that may never come and the constant delay of timings when your only thought is a shower and a bed is horrifying. Over course of four days, you'll be delayed hours at different junctures. You come to expect it but it never makes it better. The most truthful saying you'll hear is: You rush to wait, then you wait to get rushed again. An endless cycle I'm happy to see the back of.

    This starkly contrasts my mood the moment I set foot into the training ground for football. Sure its a job, but there's an undeniable buzz and energy in the room that couldn't be further from what I spend the rest of my day surrounded by. People are happy to 'work' happy to spend MORE time, MORE effort and to put into blood, sweat and tears into what it is they're doing. I could never blame anyone for putting a minimal amount of effort into their NS commitments because I'd be a hypocrite. Why would anyone? The only incentives you could reason with are monetary, from your shooting test and physical fitness tests which happen annually. Aside from that, wheres the motivation meant to come from? Intrinsically? Surely not.

    I cherish the three to four hours a day I'm out of camp in order to train. We are creatures of our environment, being surrounded by people who share a desire to improve and a hunger to compete as opposed to one that is lackluster to say the least and flat is incomparable. Training is unequivocally more fun, no matter how many hours I have to spend travelling from one side of the country to another (as I'm constantly reminded), I wouldn't trade it for the world. Knowing that plenty of people local and foreign don't have the same opportunities I've been afforded makes me cherish it more, be it ex teammates in Hong Kong being put in another lock-down, training in public parks or Singaporeans outside the professional scene not being allowed to play 11-aside matches since early 2020. 

    Everyone is passionate about different things, it evokes passion and commitment and for two years I feel like everyone struggles to find some. Your passions are subdued by time constraints or by the fact that you're not allowed to moonlight. That also creates conflict within circles because you have people that want to make the most of their time in service and those who have no intention of putting an ounce of effort above the bare minimum required. Neither group is in the wrong, but arguments are bound to bubble up as a result, especially in majority-male environments overflowing with testosterone and alpha-male energy.

    You could make the argument that we should take responsibility for our environments, manifest productivity and hold yourself accountable. Its always easier said than done, and you find yourself in an endless cycle of sleep, Youtube/Netflix binges and a long-forgotten workout schedule. I've recently discovered a new love in the form of Coffee and Naps. Oxymoronic perhaps, but extremely effective in establishing a daily routine for myself recently where I feel like I've achieved a lot to be proud of. 

    I feel fitter than I ever have; I'm in the best shape of my life, I haven't read this much since I was in school and hopefully this entry will be the start of me getting back into writing personally and in a project I'm excited to start coming soon!

    I have a lot to be grateful of, many of us do and I feel like as I reach the ripe old age of 20 I'm realising it more and more. I've worked hard for many opportunities, and had some dropped in my lap, but regardless of how they come about, we're responsible for grasping them with two hands and making the most of it. Its surreal how me just sitting down in front of this screen and waffling actually evokes reflection that I might not have otherwise had, so may that be a sign for anyone who makes it this far down to consider some form of reflection of your own.

    I hope to be more consistent with these and share more of the surreal stuff that I get to experience in the upcoming months.