A soldiering footballer or a footballing soldier?

     Well...plenty has happened in the last two months since I last posted here. It wasn't a matter of my life being mundane and nothing happening, but rather me struggling with issues ranging from my football 'career' to my future beyond the army.  

    For the past four months my army life has changed completely, I've been able to live a childhood dream in the form of playing football for a professional team and to represent Singapore in a way that I would have never thought could materialise. However, at the same time my Army commitments haven't taken a back seat and I've had to juggle them both and it hasn't been the easiest at times. Don't take this as a complaint because I absolutely love the opportunity and challenge that 'living two lives' presents, but I can now empathise with the top professional footballers who deal with issues with their mental health. Everybody outside the world of football thinks that its easy to kick a ball around everyday and they should be able to perform to their absolute best every Saturday when they're playing in front of a crowd. Everyone has their own shit to deal with, I might have had a frustrating day in my army camp dealing with shit from my superiors or been carrying boxes and crates all day preparing for an overseas exercise just for it to be cancelled a week later. Football is an escape for me like it is for many, but there are always moments when you don't want to be training, you just want to be alone and reflect on whatever it is that's going on in your personal life. 

    My closest friends and family know what a struggle it has been for me to garner the opportunities I've gotten in football in the past few months. Coming back to Singapore with no connections in a sport and environment that operates on the basis that relationships are often more important than skill and reputation, it was extremely challenging. There were innumerable instances where I felt like I was chasing an opportunity that didn't exist for someone like me who was never in the Singaporean footballing system and didn't have any connections in the midst of a global pandemic. Everything was pointing to me putting competitive football to one side and just getting on with my Army life. Evidently, that isn't how things went as I wouldn't be hear to share my story. 

"If a man does not master his circumstances, he is bound to be mastered by them"

    Those of you that have read my entries have seen my life change right before your own eyes and I'm so grateful for that as its given me avenue to vent and to just be brutally honest to myself at times. Its allowed me to reflect and better myself and hopefully you get something out of it.

    I'll share more of what my weekly schedule is now, because that's now slightly different. 

    I'm back in camp on Sunday nights and am up every morning at 6:30 for breakfast and other administrative duties. Depending on what things we have going on we could be preparing for outfield exercises, doing exercise, preparing for live firings (Shooting Guns) or be moving outfield. The last being my company's bread and butter we do it relatively often still, but being a senior now I've gotten used to it and you learn how to make yourself as comfortable as you can be while being attacked by insects or bombarded by the fluctuation between the beating sun and torrential rain. If I'm outfield I'll not be able to attend training which is frustrating at times, but the team is understanding because a large portion of the squad is made up of NSFs across the Civil Defence Force, Police and Army whom all have their respective duties that take precedence over football. If I'm in bunk all day, which I usually am I'll try to use the gym or do some form of my own exercise before we have lunch at 12. I have an afternoon nap and then start to prepare for training. The Army has to give clearance to soldiers participating in external activities which allows me to leave camp at around 5:30 to travel cross country to train. 

    The facilities and everything at our training centre is unlike anything I'd ever seen before in my footballing experiences. Having four coaches, a strength and conditioning coach, sports science individuals, a masseuse, team manager and two physios was something completely alien to me. I had only ever had one season of football where I didn't have to pay to play and now I had all of this at my disposal. It was and still is surreal to me, but it's something I don't take for granted and I see it as something that is there for me and the rest of the team to help us perform to our best because at the end of the day we are professionals representing Singapore football. 

    As an NSF I'm not allowed to moonlight, so the team pays us an allowance for travel, food etc. of a few hundred dollars a month. This scales up based on your experience in the league and your skill level. The first time I saw my bank account with a payment as a result of me kicking a ball, something I'd been doing for as long as I could remember, I was definitely taken aback and sat there for a bit letting it sink in. People always talk about turning your hobbies into your job and although I'm far from making a living from football, its probably more than most people could say they've done and I'm so proud of myself for jumping over hurdle after hurdle to get that stage.

    Back to the schedule, training runs from 7 to 9pm, but I'm there earlier to do gym work, get treatment and just prepare myself for the session ahead. The sessions are obviously high intensity, playing alongside some of the best players I've ever played with and by the end of training I'm usually pretty drained but I still have to go back to camp. I'll grab some dinner that's provided to us, shower up before I head back home which is on my way back to my camp. My amazing mum is willing to essentially chauffer me around and by the time I get back to camp it'll be anywhere from 10:30 to 11pm. I try to get as much sleep as I can before I have to be up at 6:30 the next day and repeat the process all over again.

 

  Its been a really rewarding four months, and has definitely made my army life far more enjoyable, having something to look forward to everyday and giving me a vice to let out any frustration and just enjoy myself. There are definitely moments like I mentioned before when I might not feel like training but the benefits and enjoyment of playing football at a high level daily far outweigh any negatives.

    Having something I'm striving to improve in everyday has helped my mental health ten fold, having that drive to improve and push myself is something I had been lacking, and I'm so fortunate to be in a position to be able to do that via something I love dearly.

    Thanks for reading and hopefully I won't disappear for two months again. 

- Jared