jared's declassified jungle survival guide

    Excuse me for the extended hiatus, but life got in the way. Between the three jungle visits, football starting back up and a host of other things on my mind I let the blog slip. However, today I feel like I have a peach of an entry and hopefully can share some tasty army life morsels.

    Let's start with my top five packing essentials.

1. A Field chair

    Whether we're deployed in a conventional (jungle) or urban (buildings) setting, a field chair is a 10/10 must have. When you're sat on your arse waiting for hours at a time for your enemies to make the trek to your deployment, what better way to relax and enjoy your assortment of snacks and Netflix downloads (which I'll get to later). As you gain seniority you see variations of field chair change, the closer you are to ORDing (finishing your service) the further back your chair tends to be able to recline and thus the comfort levels. I have to mention that the equipment you bring outfield with you is very personal and is about the stuff that you find is able to make the most out of a miserable situation. And as someone who doesn't particularly enjoy sitting or sleeping on shit and ant ridden floors, I choose a field chair as one of my essentials.

This feels like a text version of one of GQ's "10 things ____ can't live without"

2. Any and all forms of insect deterrents

    Mosquitoes, ants, sand flies, if you can name them you can probably find them in the Singaporean jungles that act as my second home. There has never been a person return from an outfield without fingers and hands swollen from the onslaught of sand fly bites they receive or black marks all over their bodies from the vicious mosquitoes that roam 24/7. There is no way to beat the bastards so we resort to toxic amounts of Baygon, the SAF's acidic and probably corrosive mosquito repellent, lighting mosquito coils (which are highly illegal) and wearing mosquito nets over our faces and necks. Just picture this: the hot sun is beating down on you, there is a horde of flies buzzing all around your face and neck and your body itches all over. You would hope that drowning yourself in an incessant amount of repellent alongside burning three coils in a one metre radius would help, but you couldn't be more wrong. The art of evading these fuckers eludes me to this day, and probably forever will.

3. Technology

    As OPFOR, we are the enemy and typically end up playing defense. In using my army intelligence, I can inform you that until the enemy reaches you, you're not involved. So, in comes the gift of technology. Sadly, service is hard to come by when you're as deep into the jungle as you can go without crossing into Malaysia. The urban environments we find in usually provide better signal, but not by much, so downloadable movies and series often become your only form of entertainment for hours. Sadly, as you spend more time prepping for outfields you start to realise how limited content on Netflix is and how you've already watched everything. I proceed to have a small crisis and try to re-evaluate my entire existence before settling on an extremely mediocre set of films and series to not enjoy. Because time moves slower than it does in an exam when you finished the paper early.

4. Food

    Everyone knows nothing goes hand in hand with mediocre programming better than endless amounts of food. This is where you can really let your imagination go wild and fulfill all your fantasies. Alternatively, you could be a complete minimalist and eat nothing for a few days and use it as an opportunity to lose weight unhealthily. I'm somewhere in between. Ultimately, regardless of the food you bring, the issue with rubbish is prevalent because it's not like there are rubbish bins left and right. Not that a single soul really cares, because everywhere you look is wrappers and plastics. It's terrible but ultimately you can't control the thousands that move through the training area who couldn't give a fuck after days of training about disposing of their rubbish properly.

Anyways, my select list of snacks/food would be things like biscuits and nuts, as opposed to my platoon mates who opt for enough oreos and pringles to satisfy an American household. It is honestly alarming how much shit people can consume in the space of few days when there's no real food available. And that is why I try to opt for a secret weapon, instant self-heating hotpots like the type 海底撈 provide. Absolute life savers. You can throw in extra noodles, canned meats, anything to make it a even more wholesome meal that can provide you with enough energy for a day or two. 

You also always have the traditional army combat ration packets that we're expected to eat that we never do because I would rather eat the dirt that I sleep on. Okay, exaggeration aside they are mostly edible, but if you gave most people the choice between five packs of oreos or one of those cold paste-y packets, the answer would be the same all five times.

    Ultimately, we have the luxury of being able to bring all the aforementioned amenities to outfields with us when almost no soldiers in the blue force get to bring out anything that isn't SAF issued. They don't get their phones or their own food and always end up doing more rigorous work than us. Comparatively our lives are as good as they come, but when you're sat in the jungle sweating your balls off, thinking about sleeping in a bed, its still pretty shit.

   

Thanks for reading! Hopefully I can start being more consistent with these entries again and if you guys have any suggestions let me know =)