Finding balance

 The last few weeks in camp have been pretty dull, so in today's entry I'll be answering some of your questions from IG as well as discussing my life outside the army and what that's like.

Trying to balance my footballing ambitions and NS commitments

    For as long as I can remember I've been chasing the dream to one day play football professionally and maybe represent Singapore. In the past 16 months I've been closer to that than I've ever been before in my life, training with a top professional set up in Kitchee in Hong Kong and coming back here with an opportunity to join the local setup. However, the current global pandemic has severely limited my options and left me with little choice but to wait for things to die down. Having played nothing more than a few weeks of football in Singapore over a few summers prior to enlisting, I had few contacts and didn't really have any hope that I could play over here. Since then, I've started working with some great guys who have the same goals for themselves and for me. Some people may see it as a waste of time to go play football. do gym sessions and work out in their 2 and a half days of freedom a week, but for me I wouldn't rather spend it any other way. I lift weights everyday in camp and go run because its therapeutic but also because I know I'm chasing a dream I've had for 10 years. It's a mental struggle at times because I believe I'm more than good enough to be playing in the Singaporean Premier League, but because of things out of my control I'm not. Regardless of how bad things might get sometimes, how down I might be, I feel like I owe it to myself to give it my all in the time that I'm here and see whether I can achieve this dream. If you don't believe in yourself and what you're working towards, who will?

    As I mentioned, I've been blessed with the opportunity to train with some great guys here in Singapore, all of whom face the same obstacles in regards to NS disrupting their training and yet have gone on to do great things. There's no reason I can't do the same thing and keep pushing myself, and hopefully this might encourage you to believe in yourself and chase that dream you've pushed to one side. Shoutout to Rory and the Edge of the Box boys for the constant support!

Life outside the army/making friends

    A week in camp can be very draining, you're doing very repetitive things, eating shit food and just are restricted in so many ways. Sure you're surrounded by guys in the same position and you make the most of the situation by hosting illegal gambling rings, gymming and just fucking around but a massive part of you dreads being in camp. I'm lucky to have my parents in Singapore with me, something my brother didn't have the privilege to experience. Being able to see your parents every week, having home cooked meals and just experience all the things our parents do for us is something I really appreciate it. They recognise that time is precious every week and do the most they can to help us maximise it. 

    As an international kid forced back into Singapore, I always worried that I'd find it hard to find a good group of friends, because I don't immediately fit in with local guys and meeting international guys in NS is like finding a needle in a haystack for most. Fortunately for me, my BMT (9 week basic training) was filled with them, and I've made some really great friends who I spend most Saturday nights with. We've all been funneled into this NS system and although we've all gone our different paths since we finished BMT, we're still all extremely close and lean on one another to share stories and experiences. Having likeminded people that are just as surprised or baffled by some things that are the norm here makes me feel more at home. From slang to behaviour that's normalised, there are so many things that make you stop and think 'What the fuck did I just hear/see'. We all get called 'ang mohs' (foreigner), get made fun of for our accents or pronunciation of words and get told we must be rich. I'd like to think I'm a pretty sociable guy and get along with most people, but I can definitely imagine that it'd be very daunting for most international students to come back to a country they may not have in lived for years or ever and be thrown into the most culturally Singaporean place they could be in. There's a mutual fascination and you start ironically using their slang and their accent and it all becomes good fun. 

    However, the army does take up most of your life, you see the same guys 5 days a week and people often make plans on the weekends or on holidays and before you know it, you're booking back in. It can be hard to make friends outside the army because you don't really have an opportunity to, but I'm lucky in the sense that I've had football which has helped massively.

The NS experience: An outside opinion

    In the grand scheme of things I don't know anything about the army, I have my personal experiences and those of friends and family to go off. Nonetheless, I know that there are many fundamental areas of the army that need to be reconsidered and changes need to be made.

    There's a perpetual toxicity embedded into army culture, some people think its just tough love and a part of any army or armed force, but I disagree entirely. As a trainer, the need to put your trainee down and dehumanise them for the sake of making them 'tougher' is absolute bullshit. Tough training is one thing, but when the trainers (Sergeants, Officers etc.) treat their trainees with absolutely no respect all it does is leave these terrible memories and experiences in their heads. They end up carrying this with them subconsciously and when they eventually become trainers, the same occurs. They feel this need to inflict the same sort of harm that they received, and its extremely toxic. There are obviously trainers who don't agree with the status quo, but it is a minority. It can instill a sense of comradery and brotherhood within the trainees, but so can so many other things. Tough training can be accompanied by rationality and respect, especially when you consider the fact that the Singaporean army isn't the American army, we're not choosing to do this or training with the purpose of fighting. I know my perspective can be argued, I know you can say that through the tough training and awful treatment you mature and grow up, the adversity you face builds character. But I believe there is a distinct difference between being hard on someone and dehumanising them, there are many a sadistic trainer who find pleasure in being awful. Training will be training, military strictness and standards don't change, but when people go out of their way to make the training even tougher by shitting on you and you can't so much as say a word back, its terrible. I haven't gotten anywhere near the worse of it, and I'm sure there are people with so many terrible stories that you and I couldn't even fathom, yet here Singaporeans are, accepting things as they are, without batting an eye. 

Special bit for my boy Bryan Lam (no.1 fan <3)

    How much money do we make? There is no minimum wage in Singapore, but if there was we'd make significantly less than it. Basically, every rank has a certain base pay, and depending on your vocation you're eligible to receive extra pay. Its usually referred to as risk pay and takes into account how dangerous your job is, ie. policeman and firefighters who are part of the Singapore Police Force or Singapore Civil Defence Force are eligible for much more risk pay.

*Note this only applies to NSFs (guys serving for 2 years)